Death and vomit

In about 7 months, I will be 30. I am not entering my 30's looking like this. I just can't. Its shameful! I've got to formulate a plan. GOT TO. GOTTA. Must. I need to lose 10 lbs. a month until September. Yeah, that's so not healthy, and so not attainable for someone who loves to eat like I do, so I won't set myself up for failure. I just don't know what to do. It would be so easy if I could spend a fortune on the food I NEED to be eating and to hire a personal trainer....but I live in the real world. You know. The one where people have bills, spouses (who like to eat meat, the motherfucker), homes, pets, and kids to take care of. I'm not saying it can't be done - wait. Yes I am. Plus I'm in some sort of funk...ie. depression, and can't seem to get off my lazy ass. I've gained 10 lbs. since Dad died and its all because I am unable to pry my fat ass up off the couch. That and you know...the love of all things food. Other than eggs, most meat, grits, and breakfast foods....unless they're SUGARY breakfast foods. I'm not much on sweets, but if I'm going to eat breakfast, I can't down a greasy ass meal before I've been up for 3 or 4 hours. It makes me barf
I was just watching one of my favorite shows on DHC, Code Blue. Someone's heart stopped beating and they performed CPR and brought out the defibrillator and shocked the guy. I jumped up, ran to the bathroom AND BARFED. IT MADE ME THROW UP. I used to LOVE seeing shit like that; before 9-8-07. Even though I wasn't there, I could picture it all happening to him, and I couldn't take it. So, I threw up. How weird is THAT?

Just looked at the calendar. At 10:07 tonight, Dad will have been dead for 5 months. When I turn 30, I will only have 17 more years to live as long as my Dad did. That's not long. I'm not putting an expiration date on myself or anything...its just weird when I think of it like that. He turned 30 and only lived 17 more years. I don't know why this is blowing my mind, but it is. The 1st 17 years of my life were over before I knew it...hell, the 1st 28 years of my life were over before I knew it. Is that it? Is that all? We're born and then its all over before we even know it?? If that doesn't prompt us all to start living, then nothing ever will.