You know what I hate?? I hate it when someone does me wrong and then I see something bad happen to them. I don't want to, but I seriously can't help but take a little joy from their heartbreak. Its wrong. But it happens EVERY time.
When our house burned, the three of our dogs that survived were turned loose to run because they were all so close to the house. Minutes after I arrived on the scene, I was trying to round them up and all they did was run from me. I kept running past a woman yelling, "Please help me! Please help me! I've GOT to catch my dogs!" and all she did was stand next to someone she knew as they carried on a conversation and laughed about something. Finally, I took her by the shoulders and shook the shit out of her and said, "LOOK BITCH! My house is burning to the ground before my eyes and I've been screaming at you to help me catch my fucking dogs and all you can do is stand there and flap your fucking gums!" She promptly got into her car and left. I never thought much about it after that.
A few days ago, there was a news story about how the local newspaper office had burned to the ground. A woman from the newspaper spoke about how she was devastated over the fire and that she now had no place to work. God she was dramatic. You'd think she lost all of her worldy possessions instead of a desk and some paperclips and perhaps a few ink pens. I kept thinking, "Where have I seen this woman before??" Then it hit me. It was the woman who wouldn't help me catch the dogs. A smile began to creep across my face. It felt horrible, but it felt so good.
The one time before that I saw someone get what was coming to them, I begged God to never let me see it again. I knew it was wrong to take joy from someone's misfortune, but I just couldn't stop myself...so I begged to NEVER see it again and I hate that I did.
I got the STRANGEST phone call. It went like this...
Me: Hello?
Valley girl: Hi. Ummmmmm. This isn't like an emergency or anything, but I have a question.
Me: OK. Shoot. (wondering WHAT THE FUCK?)
Valley girl: Well, I'm like...trying to get into this house and I can't. I mean, I inherited it when someone died, but its like...all locked up and I can't get inside. Its not like I'm breaking in or anything.
Me: Say what?
Valley girl: Its like.... all locked up and I can't get in.
Me after a moment of silence: Do you even have any clue who you're talking to???
Valley girl: Oh. Sorry. Do I like have the wrong number or something?
Me: Beats me, but I SURE don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Valley girl: Oh. My. God. I'm like...SO embarrassed.
Me: Whatever. You must have confused the numbers or something. I can certainly see how it would have been possible (in the most sarcastic tone EVER).
Valley girl after taking an eternity to figure out if I was being a smart ass or not: Well, sorry! Talk to you later.
Me: Not if I'm lucky.
And then I hung up. It was just...like....weird...man.
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