RELAX

I slept soundly last night for the 1st time in weeks. I woke up this morning hoping to feel refreshed. Instead, I felt like someone had drugged me. I made Mini-Me breakfast and went to the living room. I promptly put up the baby gate and the kid promptly began to cry. It didn't last long. All she wanted was some Little People stuff to play with, so I dragged the entire colony into the living room. It pacified her for hours while I grew a couch out of my ass. I slept some more and then some more. And tonight, when I was putting her to bed, I fell asleep beside her for over 3 hours. PMS is kicking my ass this month, and doing a fine job of it if I say so myself. I could go back to bed right now, but I need to "release" a few things before I do.

My sister and I met up at my step-mom's apartment last weekend. Its a 2 hour drive for me and a 4 hour drive for her. I would have met her 1/2 way, but then we would have had to stay in a hotel, which would cost money - which neither of us have. We went to dinner at TGIFriday's and went back to my step-mom's apartment. We fully planned on going to bed early, but then we began talking about a most interesting subject. Dad. We spent hours dishing about things he's said to us and the odd things he does when he's looped up. My stepmom brought something up that my sister and I had forgotten. C (stepmom) used to work as a checker at a local grocery store for a little extra cash. Very late one night, Dad came sauntering into the store. He walked right up to C and started telling her that he had the greatest gift EVER for her. He went on and on and laughed like a damn fool the entire time. As soon as she could, C went outside so Dad could give her the present. She was expecting something wonderful; instead, she found a tap-light stuck to the roof of her car. He had written something on the tap-light and for the life of us, we couldn't remember what it was. Sis and her man slept in C's bed and C and I bedded down in the living room. She slept on an air mattress directly behind the couch I was sleeping on. After laying there for nearly an hour, C said, "Are you still up?" "Yeah." I said. There was a moment of complete silence before C said, "Are you still trying to figure out what the tap-light said?" "How'd you guess?" I answered. We laughed at the thought of losing sleep over something so stupid and fell asleep. The next day, we all kept saying a bunch of random words trying to jar each other's memories. Nothing. I lost sleep over it that night, too. I've lost sleep every night since then trying to think of what the damn thing said. Finally, I called my grandmother, who rarely remembers anything, and asked her. I couldn't believe my ears when she told me that it said, "RELAX." That was it! RELAX! I immediately called my sister who confirmed that indeed, it said "RELAX." She then called her Mom and told her. Hours and hours of sleep - gone - over the word "relax." We laughed about that stupid tap-light for years after the initial incident. Now we're laughing about it again. If either of us hears the word, we go into fits of uncontrollable laughter that nearly bring us to our knees. It doesn't matter who says it either. It could be on TV, in the store - anywhere - and we completely lose our shit. I answered the phone yesterday only to have someone scream, "RELAX!!!" in my ear. I went completely ape-shit.

So anyway, my grandparents have finally told my Dad that he has to get out of their house. He's smoking pot and driving an old beat up car - and his license was suspended years ago. Catch this though - he made a fake license plate out of CARDBOARD. Yeah...cause nobody's gonna notice THAT. Dipshit. He's only been out of jail for 10 months and he's completely crazy again. It blows my mind.

The kid is having trouble staying asleep tonight. I love her, but damn. I wish she'd stop waking up every 5 minutes and screaming, "MOMMMYYY!!!" And she wants milk every time without fail. She asked me for pancakes a minute ago. Pancakes?? In the middle of the night?? I promised her that I'd make some in the morning.

Its so hot that I don't even go outside with the kid. She told me earlier this week that she wanted to go outside and play. I told her she couldn't because the skin would melt right off her body within 5 minutes of being out there. I guess it scared her. She hasn't asked since. I was just being facetious, but I'm half glad she took it literally. I don't even want to poke my head out the door to get the mail. I don't recall it ever being this hot here. Its miserable.

I think I'm going to go back to bed. I have lots to do tomorrow....as usual.