Oh hell. I don't know.

I'm as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof right now. The kid is having surgery on Tuesday to remove a birthmark over her eye. I'm glad the day is finally here - we've been waiting for over 2 years - but now that it IS here, I'm scared. I hate having to knock her out. This will be her 3rd surgery to date, and with the previous 2, when she woke up, it was like a wild animal had possessed her. There are no words to describe how freaked out she is and I hate it for her. That's always the worst part. She's so disoriented coming out of the anesthesia and doesn't yet have the skills to rationalize what's happening, so she does all she knows to do. She goes ape shit. Completely ape shit. The last time they had to give her a shot of morphine to keep her from hurting us or worse, hurting herself. Within 20 seconds of it going into her IV, she was in another world. Within 30 seconds, she was out cold. It was almost comical, but I felt too bad for her to laugh.

I keep having dreams about this guy I used to work with. We were friends, but he's not someone that frequents my thoughts, so I have no idea why he keeps popping up in my dreams. He's everywhere. He's freaking me out.

I'm supposed to be ironing. Of course I've come up with a blue million other things to do, so the pile of clothes sits in the floor, practically untouched. I ironed a few of her dresses and some shorts and shirts, but ran out of steam after that. I used to love to iron. Don't get me wrong, I wanted a little girl so I could buy her all kinds of frilly, girly clothes - but I never knew there'd be this much ironing involved! I still enjoy buying all those things, but damn if I don't hate to iron them. Some things are not even able to be ironed...like itty bitty puffed cap sleeves on a cotton shirt. ??? There's no way to get them ironed with no wrinkles in them. It drives me bananas! And those god-forsaken itty-bitty bows they sew onto the clothes - what GENIUS came up with those??? One that didn't have to iron them; that's who.

Methinks I'll go slide between the sheets now. Peace and hair-grease and all that other good shit....