Stuuupidity.

Hmmmm. Do you ever wonder if I have as filthy of a mouth as what I type in this blog? I do. Only I can't vent adequately now with a 2 year old underfoot all day long. So I do it here. I used to do it at work, but since they told me to move to Minneapolis or take a hike (Minne-fucking-apolis? Are they kidding?) and "Here, take this money as a consolation prize." I have no where to let this shit out. I will have all day alone Saturday and I plan to sit on the couch and just curse. Maybe I'll get a little cleaning in on the side, but you can bet your ass that I'll be cursing the whole time I'm cleaning.

I know that I can just chalk this up to the kid hitting the terrible two's, but OMG. She will not listen to me anymore. If I tell her to stop doing something, she does it again and looks at me like "EAT SHIT." I used to be so calm with her. Now the only way to get her attention is to scream at the top of my lungs, and then she starts screaming too. I've tried almost every disciplinary measure short of beating her. We used to be pretty consistent with the naughty corner (or "curner" as she calls it) but it totally stopped working. I've always had to adjust how I discipline her because after time, she gets used to it and she could care less if I sat her in a corner for 30 days as long as she had some milk to sip on.

WILL ANYTHING WORK? Any suggestions other than throwing in the towel and beating my head against the wall??

Also, other than stringing him up by his toes, how can I show my husband that the things he's teaching her are NOT cool? I've told him - just yesterday, she dumped a plate of food into the floor and began eating it on all fours. All I could think was "What the FUCK???" and I sent her to the naughty corner (which, of course, she could have cared less about) and then made her clean it up. Today, she dumped an ENTIRE container of fruit puffs on the couch and began lapping them up like a dog. Again - WTF? I began to discipline her and my husband stepped in and said, "She's just eating like her cousin's horse." Other than being a complete idiot, why would you teach a child to eat anything straight off the floor??!!! Or the couch??? Or anything but a plate - especially with a hairy dog in the house???? I can vacuum three times a day, but the dog sheds all day long - KWIM? There's always a hair lurking somewhere - and besides that, its just plain UNSANITARY!

There are other things that he teaches her when I'm not in the room and I'm the one who has to bear the brunt of it. Last week she licked my face all week long. WTF?! I finally found out that he taught her to lick his face. ARGHHHHH. WHY?!?!?!?!? Why would you teach a kid to lick people?!

I've sat him down in the past and told him that he seriously needs to THINK before he starts teaching her things because most of the time, it leads to problems. We've had this conversation more than I can count and apparently, I'm just NOT getting through to him. Any suggestions?

I could go on and on, or tell you about the time I found the kid scaling our TV armoire and my husband sitting on the sidelines as her biggest fan - cheering her on like this was a GOOD thing...but I won't. Why is he so dumb sometimes? He's the smartest guy I know - until he does something stupid. And each new thing takes the cake all over again. He never fails to top his last attempt at stupidity.