I have decided....

....to start blogging again. Not because you begged me, but because I enjoy it. I need a snazzy layout...and no, I don't have the software to make it anymore, so I guess its going to stay just like it is.

Down to business. I have a question. If your maid had been sick for a week and sort of let the house, errrr....go, what would be the first thing you'd clean when you found out you were having company? The master bedroom closet?? Right. Just what I thought. FUCK NO.

I had 2 hours notice and began cleaning like a mad woman. I had asked Ignorant Husband to help me. After 30 minutes of not seeing him at all, I found him sitting in our bedroom floor, surrounded by a giant, 2 foot tall tower of (my) shoes. When I asked him what the fuck he was doing, he told me he was cleaning. ??

For shit's sake! Almost every dish, glass, and piece of silverware we OWN is sitting in the kitchen sink - dirty - and the 1st thing your ignorant ass goes for are the shoes; the shit you can close the door on and say "fuck it, I'll do it later." I gave him a dirty look and started pitching shoes back into the closet and then actually had to instruct him to get up and go do the effin' dishes.

My closet now looks worse than it did before he decided to "clean" it. Oh, AND he took 68 minutes (I timed him because I'm an anal bitch like that) to do the dishes. It would have taken me 20 minutes - TOPS.

So that left me to clean the following because he was apparently worn out after doing the dishes and sat his big, hairy ass down on the couch and let out a sigh of relief that he was done with his one, measly little chore whilst I flitted around the house, sweating my everloving ass off trying to pick up all the shit HE left lying around when I was sick and dying AND planning my own funeral:
Parlor
Kid's room
Hall
Kid's Bathroom
Playroom
Dining room
Den
Master Bedroom
Master Bath

And guess what. In under 2 hours, I had it all done. I even vacuumed and cleaned the hardwood and tile floors, AND took the dogs and the trash out. All while his big, hairy ass sat on the couch and picked at his fingernails with a knife....Oh, oh! I forgot to mention that I also had to finish cleaning the kitchen because he took "do the dishes" in the most literal sense. He did the dishes and he was done. Didn't wipe the countertops down....nothing. What the fuck? Does he just WANT me to kill him???

With all that being said, I still feel the need to tell you that my house is RARELY in the state it was in today. If, and only if, I get sick does my house go to hell in a handbasket. I'm a stay at home Mom (for a few more months) and I feel the very least I can do is keep a tidy house. Plus, I hate filth and disorder. I need things to be just so, or I may very well lose my mind. I don't enjoy being that way, but it is what it is, and if I haven't changed in 30 years, I think there's a good chance of that NEVER HAPPENING.

Back to bed. I fell asleep at 8:30 tonight and woke up at 1:30 (ish). I was soooo looking forward to a long nights rest, too.